Scouring in the Key of G

1951 Ad, S.O.S. Magic Scouring Pads by flickr user Classic Film

Brett: Is there a brand of scouring pad you recommend?  Because I've got some things I need to scour.

Lori: I only know of SOS pads, like a little Brillo cowpie.  I don't scour often, I guess.

(Editor's note: yes, Lori did unknowingly use a second brand name when describing how she only knew one brand.)

Brett: Did you come up with that cowpie comparison yourself?  You should go in to marketing.  SOS would surely get a huge cut of the market if they used that.

Lori: Well, that's what they look like!  But I don't think SOS would go for it.  They'd probably want to advertise using soft lighting, and Kenny G on the sax.  Isn't that commercial gold?

Brett: I would buy anything he advertised.  Shower with Kenny G sponsored soap, eat at the Kenny G diner, wear Kenny G underwear... okay, maybe that last one is a little weird.

Lori: Your examples certainly show the range of sell-able products... How do we contact him?

Brett: Uh, I don't know... Ah!  Here's an idea: we hang out at a bar and hope he shows up.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit

Chili on the Grill by flickr user Mike

Brett: Do you like lima beans?

Lori: Not on their own, but I pile them in with other types when I make chili.

Brett: Mmm... You can't beat chili on a cold day.

Lori: When did you have some last?  There have certainly been plenty of cold days to work with lately.

Brett: That is a good question.  I think it was in January.  Or maybe early February.

Lori: Well, button up your coat and go buy yourself some beans!  It's about time you had some more chili.

Brett: But it's actually pretty nice out here.  I'll have to check the forecast and see if it's going to be chili weather again any time soon.

Lori: That wouldn't faze my roommate or me... We have made chili smack dab in the middle of summer if the mood strikes.

Brett: I respect your right to have chili whenever you want, but I remain steadfast in my belief that it's a cold weather meal.

Lori: Alright, but you might be missing out.  Still... I have to give you the same respect for your stance.  It's only fair.

Chez Lori

Peanut Butter & Honey Sandwich by flick user jamieanne

Brett: Have you ever considered openings a restaurant called Chez Lori?

Lori: Ha!  I haven't.  I'd have to serve only mac'n cheese, ramen noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, and reheated frozen meals.  I don't see that making me a fortune.

Brett: Well, let me axe you a question: how good are your peanut butter sandwiches?  Because I might go to that restaurant.

Lori: Not too bad.  It depends on the bread I use, but I don't think my peanut butter choice can be beat.  I like the creamy peanut butter with a touch of honey.  Yum.

Brett: Hmm... I'm not a huge fan of honey, but that does sound good.  Do you cut off the rind?  Wait... I guess on bread, people usually call it crust.  Do you cut off the crust?

Lori: Ah, the lean sandwich, skinnier than the rest... I would cut off crust upon request.

Brett: Then schedule me a reservation for opening night!  I'll hit up the ATM on the way so I can leave a big tip.

Lori: Oooh!  Hopefully all my customers leave big tips.  Then it won't feel so much like "workin' the grind," as they say.

Brett: If I can make one suggestion: you should have a big vat of soup.  Prepare it in bulk, have your waiters and waitresses recommend it, and watch the profits roll in.

Lori: Da!  That's me agreeing with you in Russian.

Brett: It is a great language for agreeing.

Punting babies

baby needs punting. by flickr user Emily Lynch

Lori: Have you ever heard the expression, "I'm going to punt that baby"?

Brett: I have not.  Did you make that up?  Because who would do that?

Lori: Why would I lie about that?!?  When I've heard it, it's generally followed by some sort of weird disclaimer.  Ex. "I'm going to punt that baby.  It's just too cute for this world."  Chicago is a strange place.

Brett: I see.  If you hadn't explained it, I would have been alarmed.  Somebody needs to write a book: Idioms from A to Zed.

Lori: That would be a great title!  I would buy that.

Who wants to get dressed up and play bingo while drinking coffee?

Bingo by flickr user Justin Nakagiri

Brett: Do you like to wear fancy clothes?  If so, what's the last event you got all dressed up for?

Lori: Oh, rats... I think the last thing I dressed up for was a Masonic Lodge event for my dad.  I wore a polka dot dress.  Marilyn Monroe style.

Brett: That was nice of you to go with him.  Did you have to sit there and be quiet through a bunch of speeches and stuff?

Lori: Haha, sort of.  There were a lot of very old women, and they would stand and all walk a certain path as part of the ceremony... that did drag on a bit.  They were very sweet, but wow, some were slow moving.  My dad and I got to sing, though, so that was fun.

Brett: Did you play bingo afterwords?  And is it ageist of me to ask that?

Lori: Haha, I don't think so.  We didn't, but I would love to do that.  It seems fun.  I have a bingo game on my phone, actually.  Have you ever been?

Brett: I haven't played bingo in years, but I used to play at our school carnival.  The biggest prize I ever won was a coffee maker.  Not the ideal prize for a kid who didn't drink coffee, but better than pocket lint.

Lori: But you drink coffee now, right?

Brett: I'm not a regular coffee drinker, but I do have some occasionally.  I just have to be careful not to spill it down the front of my shirt.

Um... is there some (sum?) sort of trend here?

Personless shoe waiting for a bus by flickr user Paranoid from suffolk

Brett: Do you like rum?

Lori: Um... I like it in my long islands.  Does that count?

Brett: Sure!  As long as you don't drink too many.  Those things are strong; you don't want to be hung over and have your head pounding like a drum the next day.

Lori: Oh, totally.  They sneak up on me really fast.  Don't want to end up looking like a bum on the bus who lost her shoes somewhere.

Get down, turn around, go to town

Boot Scootin' Boogie? by flickr user Michael Chunko

Lori: Can you boot scoot?

Brett: I can boot scoot with the best of them.  But it really works up a sweat, and I need to towel off when I'm done.

Lori: Bet that really sweeps the ladies off their feet.

Brett: Oh, it brings all the girls to ALL the yards.

Lori: Haha.  Jackie and Jill went to the yard to watch Brett boot scoot.  Not quite the same ring, eh?

Brett: It works, though.  Then I say "ahoy, lasses!" but for some reason they don't respond to that.  Maybe I should try "yo yo yo, what's up ladies?"

Lori: I love it.  Though I think we might make the worst hip hop remixers ever.