At least we can agree it's not a "multi-storey car park"

Paddle Boats on the Tidal Basin by flickr user JaxYeary3791

Brett: You should come visit me sometime.  We could rent paddle boats on the Tidal Basin.

Lori: I would love to visit you!  So many cool museums there.  Any local food we should grab?

Brett: I'm a big Five Guys fan, but they're basically national now.  Warning in case you visit, though: people get confused if you call parking garages "parking ramps."

Lori: I'm confused now.  You call it a parking ramp?

Brett: Am I the only one who uses those terms interchangeably?  Is this going to cause a rift in our relationship?

Lori: I would certainly mourn if it did.  No.  I will learn to accept this quirk of yours.

Don't drink and coupon

coupons by flickr user Mandy_Jansen

Lori: Have you ever watched Exreme Couponing?  Some of their bulk piles are amazing.

Brett: I've not watched.  I'm not even sure I've heard of it.  No offense, but that sounds like a show that will quickly fade into obscurity.

Lori: Oh, no.  I think it's going in its third season already.  One woman shopped for $1200 worth of groceries, and they actually paid her nine dollars to take them out of the store.  Coupons are crazy.

Brett: That is pretty extreme.  Maybe I'll pour myself an ale and watch the next episode.

What's more American than cartoons?

4th of July or Fourth of July by flickr user Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton

Brett: So, were you well fed at your 4th of July celebration?

Lori: I didn't really celebrate.  I went to see Magic Mike.  I was embarrassed by all the biz though.

Brett: I don't know if I'll see it, but don't ruin the ending for me just in case.

Lori: I saw it in a fancy theatre where you get to eat a meal during the movie.  Let me just tell you, the meal was better than the movie.  Just so you know.

Brett: Well, then, I may stay home and watch some toons.

Lori: Toons: they cure what ails ya...

Brett: I wonder if toons have their own fraternity.  Tau Omicron Nu or something like that.

Lori: Ta... Aa... If they don't, they should.

Brett: It would make for an awesome frat.

Thank goodness for cheap labor

10July09 ~ snooze by flickr user g_kat26

Brett: Confession: I've never fully understood the expression "on a wing and a prayer."

Lori: Me either.  Or why wet is always grouped with wild.

Brett: Maybe we should take an ax to the list of commonly used phrases and pare it down to only ones that make sense.

Lori: We'd need weeks for that... there are so many.

Brett: No kidding.  The phrases would be queued up for miles.

Lori: We may be needing to find some people to help us with gathering that info.

Brett: If we go to a college campus, we could probably find a coed or two who would do it if we paid them.

Lori: Haha... Pretty sure college kids would do anything, even fight a cage match, for a buck or two.

Brett: It would be creepy if I mentioned how college kids also often have lithe bodies, so I won't say anything.

Lori: OMG.  That kind of thinking is questionable for your qi.

Brett: Is it bad for your qi?  Give me an hour to think that over.

Lori: While you're thinking... I'm gonna go buy myself a loofa.

Brett: I've never used a loofa myself, but I hear it's one of the great joys in life.  I just hope it's not so nice that you end up spending hours in the shower; that wouldn't be very environmentally friendly.

Lori: No, not hours.  I would be sent away by my roommate for hogging the bathroom.

Brett: That would suck.  You'd have to find a new roommate and settle into a new groove.

Lori: I don't wanna.  This one lets me doze through the alarm twice before yelling at me.

Brett: How long is the snooze on your alarm?  I think mine does tenths of an hour.

Lori: I think it's nine minutes.  Did you ever make an ash tray out of pottery when you were in school?

Brett: I think I might have.  Doesn't that seem weird?  There's a vast assortment of things that can be made from pottery, and schools choose the one that is assocaited with a health risk.

Lori: I know, right?  I don't get it.

Brett: We should start a campaign to change that.  We could get some of those college kids we're gonna hire to tweet about it.

What's slower than slow?

Cigarette smoke by flickr user raphael.ribeiro

Brett: What's slower than slow?

Lori: Being of the more intelligent gender, I would propose dead still as the correct answer.

Brett: I was going to say a pic of someone smoking a cig.

Lori: I've thought this over, but my gut is still telling me that your answer makes no sense.

Brett: Lower your ire.  I'll admit that your answer was better than mine.

Lori: I'm sorry.  I'll dock my ire.  Will there be dire consequences?

Brett: Nothing too dire.  I'm not gonna cut off your beak or anything.

Lori: Such a pal.  Thanks.

Fashion advice from Words With Cousins

furs by flickr user Alida's Photos

Brett: What's your opinion on goth?

Lori: How do I answer that one?? I, um, have no strong feelings about it.

Brett: Of course you don't.

Lori: What's that supposed to mean, ya git?!?!?

Brett: You know what I'm talking about, I don't need to pin it down for you.

Lori: Question, can I reuse my previous opinion, or do I now owe you a new one?

Brett: I feel like you should offer something new, but just a dab will do.

Lori: Okay then, I'm a little fed up with it, because I feel like its time has passed.  Your turn now, what is your opinion on wearing fur?

Brett: I feel it is an oft controversial fashion statement.  I have no problem with it, but if you're going to wear it you shouldn't be surprised if someone tries to swat you or throw pins at you.

Lori: I'm surprised it doesn't rub you the wrong way!

I think a fez would make a pretty cool award

World's Greatest Uncle Award by flickr user monkeysox

Brett: Do you prefer carpet, wood, or tiled floors?

Lori: While I'm sure hardwood is leading the pack for most, I prefer carpet.  It's more comfortable and cozy.

Brett: I respect your reasoning.  I'll never force you to live in a place with hardwood floors.

Lori: Well that news fills me with a modicum of glee...

Brett: The nice thing about hardwood, though, is that if you oil it up real good, you can slide around in your socks and underwear like Tom Cruise.

Lori: I prefer the motorcycle 'dance' that the Shriners do in parades... in their cute little fezes.

Brett: Where's the last place you saw a parade at?

Lori: Drat... I can't actually remember.  You?

Brett: Since I have nieces and nephews, I've been to parades fairly recently... If you wait a while, I might figure out where the last one was.

Lori: Awww.  You should get an award for being such a good uncle.

Brett: Like a plate of surf 'n' turf?

Lori: I guess, man.  If that's the sort of thing that rotates your rotor.

Brett: Actually, I don't like seafood.  Just trying to get an idea of the value of this award you're proposing.  I'd be happy with a used copy of a good book.

(Lori swapped 3 tiles)

Brett: In any case, I better jot down some remarks in case I need an acceptance speech.

Lori: I've been trying to think of a suitable prize for being a good uncle, and came up with nada.  I mean... we have amazing uncles, and that's (wait for it) priceless.  (Cue the audience 'aww' sound-bit here.)

Brett: I'm sure they know how much they're appreciated.  If nothing else, they've probably heard it through the grape vine.

Lori: I bet your sis told them.

Brett: Yeah, she just can't quit doing things like that.

Lori: Well... I hope she let them know they're worth rave-ing about.

Brett: I think she used that exact phraseology at least ten times.

Lori: Ha.  Nerd.

Brett: Wait, I'm a nerd for using 'phraseology' or she's a nerd for repeating something ten times?  Because I think it's just a nervous tic on her part.

Watch out for dysentery

Oregon Trail Sign by flickr user mellingsather

Brett: Did you ever try to traverse the Oregon Trail with only one ox?

Lori: Yes, I have traversed the trail a time or two in the past.  I heard somewhere that there is a new amp(ed) up version of this game.

Brett: My experience with updated versions of old games has led me to believe that the original is always better, at least in terms of nostalgia.

Keep calm and carry on

Tankards by flickr user John S Y Lee

Brett: Fill in the blank: God bless _____

Lori: The man who invented beer?

Brett: Are you the type who uses a tankard of beer to vent your frustrations?

Lori: Sometimes.  Sometimes it's beer, usually wine, occasionally I'll take to the gym.  But my preferred way to vent is actually to write about it.  How about you?

Brett: I don't get frustrated.  People talking about me often say "he sure does stay calm."

Lori: Do you really think you can make me believe that you never get frustrated??

Brett: It's like the song from that musical.  "What, never?"  "No, never!"  "What, never?"  "Well, hardly ever!"