Keep calm and carry on

Tankards by flickr user John S Y Lee

Brett: Fill in the blank: God bless _____

Lori: The man who invented beer?

Brett: Are you the type who uses a tankard of beer to vent your frustrations?

Lori: Sometimes.  Sometimes it's beer, usually wine, occasionally I'll take to the gym.  But my preferred way to vent is actually to write about it.  How about you?

Brett: I don't get frustrated.  People talking about me often say "he sure does stay calm."

Lori: Do you really think you can make me believe that you never get frustrated??

Brett: It's like the song from that musical.  "What, never?"  "No, never!"  "What, never?"  "Well, hardly ever!"

African drugs, anyone?

Detail, Qat by flickr user A. Davey

Brett: I wonder if they'd allow qat through customs.

Lori: They might take a shine to it.

Brett: I don't know, they have a pretty specific list of what they will and won't allow, from a to zee.

Lori: This is true.

The problem with assumptions

Potosi mines, Bolivia by flickr user Irish Guy's World the World Trips

Brett: Question: Is an axe used while mining ore?

Lori: Isn't that the sort of thing you only learn in jail?  What a weird question.

Brett: If so, I need to meet some ex-cons, because I'm just sure I saw a glint of something that must be valuable.

Lori: What would you say the odds were of that happening?

Brett: The same as the odds of getting a zit after eating some za.

Lori: I'm going to assume those are pretty good odds, then.

Brett: You are able to safely make that assumption.

Lori: Good.  Sometimes assumptions can have grave consequences.

Brett: Right, right.  Ass, u, me, etc.  Then you'd need an omer of good luck to get things set back straight.

Lori: You really need to hone your measuring skills...

Brett: Says you.  I disagree, tho.

Ye Olde Blog Post

White Stag Grove by flickr user Eric E. Haas

Brett: Yo, are you a fan of those 'ye olde shoppe' types of places?

Lori: Ay... or aye?  Anyway, yes.  Take me to something like a renaissance faire and I'm all childlike enthusiasm.

Brett: I've only been to a ren faire once.  But it was kind of cool to see all the old-timey arts and crafts.

Real cousins support their cousins' entrepreneurship

Coffee Mug by flickr user bram_app

Brett: <played the word laden>

Lori: I do still try (in vain) to beat you at this game.  Alas, you must be laden with a game playing genius that cannot be beat.

Brett: I feel like such a hag for forgetting to use laden.  Thanks for picking up the slack for me.

Lori: In the end, I figure as long as one of us uses the word... we should be cool.

Brett: That seems fair.  We each get a chance to mend the other's mistakes.  That's what cousins are for, right?

Lori: Ah, Yeah!  Real cousins... help... got the... hmm.  I can't think of a slogan for us.  Like... Friends don't let friends drive drunk... but with cousins.

Brett: "Real cousins will always serve as your second if you find yourself in a duel"?

Lori: That seems a bit dramatic, though if you lost in a duel I'd probably scream really loud and start fighting.

Brett: I mean, if it's too intense, there are other options.  Like "a real cousin hails a cab for you when you're stuck in the rain."

Lori: Or even, "a real cousin brings you chow when you're stuck at work and hungry."

Brett: Either one would work.

Lori: You got it, dude.

Brett: If we made coffee mugs with the motto on them, do you think anyone would buy them?

Lori: There's no way you could get rich on this idea.  But we have a lot of cousins... we may be able to pressure them into buying enough to break even.

Brett: Yeah, if we could talk all our cousins into buying his and hers sets, we'd be off to a good start.

Lori: Ooh, good idea!  Wouldn't that be a joy?

...and on Father's Day, don't piss off your pa, either.

Motto by flickr user Steve Kodis

Brett: I don't give a whit what anyone else says.  Food tasates good.

Lori: While I am slow to disagree, surely this it too broad a statement?

Brett: You're right, of course.  I was being overly cautious about saying anything too controversial, lest my words metaphorically stab a potential friend.

Lori: I see.  Don't rock the boat and all that.

Brett: Right.  "Never piss off anyone other than your pa," that's my motto.

Lori: I see you've paved youself a pretty solid set of mottos then.

Brett: I do have several.  Here's another: "Don't count your ova before they're hatched."

Lori: I could swear I've heard that somewhere before.

Brett: Don't tease me like that.  Are you saying my mottos are going viral?

Lori: Er, no.  Just that (not unlike a raj) you may be repeating yourself.

Brett: I do like to go on about my mottos, so that wouldn't be surprising.

To sleep... perchance to dream

to sleep... perchance to dream by flickr user zippythesimshead

Lori: I'm so sleepy.  I just kept tossing and turning last night.

Brett: Isn't there some type of med you can take to help with that?

Lori: Probably.  I tried one once and I sank into a super heavy sleep... But I felt weird the whole next day.

Brett: Yeah, I hear they can give you weird dreams, too.  Like dreaming that you're part of a team of cavers.

Lori: Cavers?  Like miners?  Do they work for coal?

Brett: Why must you stereotype like that?  What's next, saying that anything with "Derby" in the title must be equine in nature?

Lori: Give a gal a break!!  I thought I had a pretty good guess there.

Brett: Well, yes, you were quite close on the definition.  I was just giving you a demo of my feigned outrage.

Lori: Impressive!  I thought it might have been real!