The sugar plum fairies live in a van down by the river

Nutcracker 2011_Greater Niagara Ballet Company-289.jpg by flickr user Terry Babij

Brett: Are you a fan of The Nutcracker Suite?

Lori: Oh, yes.  I think ballet is fun to watch.

Brett: I figured you for the type that only like music that required an amp.

Lori: When I was little I wanted to be a lithe beautiful twirling ballerina when I grew up.  I um, I seem to have taken a different life path.

Brett: Well at least you're not living in a van down by the river.

Lori: That would be an unhappy end for me.

Brett: If you were living in a van, I'm sure that would tug at my heartstrings and I'd do whatever I could to help you out.

Lori: Aww.  Good cousin award.  I dig it.  Thanks.

Brett: Well, I'm sure it would go both ways and you'd do the same for me.

Lori: If you ever consider living in a van, my air mattress is available to you instead.  Free of charge.

Brett: That's a nice offer.  I hope it's not a lie.

Lori: Of course not!  You know you're welcome here.  Plus, lying is totally bad for your qi.

Brett: Yep, I know.

Merry Christmas!

RUBANK BOOKS CHRISTMAS MUSIC FOR EVERYONE by flickr user ussiwojima

Brett: What is your opinion of "Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming"?

Lori: I'll have to google that, if you don't mind.

Brett: I guess I shouldn't be surprised you don't know it, since you don't listen to a lot of Christmas songs.

Lori: Well, a lot of them are basically the same kid friendly jingle.  Over and over.

Brett: Sure, there are some annoying ones, but it's not like they're going to give you hives.  You'll survive them.

Lori: I do like the one about fig pudding.  Although I've never had it.  What if it's gross?

Brett: It just says "bring us some fig pudding," it never says we're going to eat it.  So I guess it doesn't matter if it's gross.

Lori: Well it's better than the song that says "No Els."

Good luck tomorrow

SPAM SPAM SPAM by flickr user thepretenda

Brett: Hey, can I borrow some Saran Wrap?

Lori: It probably costs less to buy Saran Wrap than to ship some to you.

Brett: You may have a point there.  So, do you think my plan to use Saran Wrap to build a safe haven from the Mayan apocalypse will work?

Lori: Oh, no I do not.

Brett: Well, then, do you have suggestions on how I can survive the apocalypse?  Lock myself in a cage at the zoo?

Lori: I'm sure there will be havens accepting applications.  You just need a skill, carpentry perhaps?

Brett: I've done some woodworking, so maybe.  I'm also pretty good at cooking ham, but I guess in a post-apocalyptic world it would all be nonperishable food.  But that's okay, I can cook SPAM, too.

Lori: I've never had SPAM before, and the one time I tried to cook ham it was awful.  I make a mean spaghetti, though.  Maybe we can swap recipes?

Brett: Sounds like a plan.  (Assuming the world doesnt end.)

Lori: Such a heady assumption...

Piperphobia

Pied Piper Scarecrows by flickr user Photographic Poetry

Lori: If you ever met a pied piper, would you follow him?

Brett: I don't think I'd have a choice.  Even if he led me barefoot across broken glass, I'd just have to say "ow" and keep following.

Lori: I feel like you should have a vote on whether or not you follow.

Brett: Pied pipers are more like dictators.  They lead you where they want to go, regardless of what you want.  Some of them will even lead you into a maze from which you'll never escape.

Lori: Psh.  Jerks.  I understand why some people fear them.

Five times the rashness

The Glass Quintuplets - st. louis mo by flickr user cmoments

Brett: Do you ever wish you were a quin?

Lori: Nope.  Was that answer too rash?

Brett: On a scale from one to ten, I'd say no, it wasn't too rash.

Lori: Sweet.  Being rash is probably bad for my qi.

Brett: I don't know, I've been rash before, and I kind of dug it.

Lori: You're not alone in that, I'm sure.

Brett: Yeah, it's very popular in certain crowds.

Two thumbs down

Mistletoe and Moonlight by flickr user maorlando-God sustained me 2011 walking w/ me 2012

Brett: What was the last movie you saw that you just hated?  For me, it was Melancholia.

Lori: I just watched a really bad Christmas movie on the Hallmark Channel.  It had the girl from Full House, a grown up DJ Tanner, and I think she was wearing a wig.

Brett: I'll have to check my local listings.  I love movies of that ilk... NOT!

Lori: I'd totally watch it again... you know, after I get struck by lightning.

Whiskers

Mutton Chops Self-Portrait by flickr user mdpmclean

Brett: I've been experimenting with my facial hair recently.  What is your opinion of mutton chops?

Lori: Eh.  They're interesting.  I've always been a girl who had a thing for full beards.

Brett: My full beard isn't very full, so it makes me look kind of creepy.

Lori: Well, beards take practice.  If you can bear the growing out process... I think it could compliment your face nicely.

Learning is a lifelong process

Eevee Tail by flickr user Otterly Amazing

Brett: What's the name of the guy who says "ho ho ho"?  He is pretty famous.

Lori: Yeah he is.  I think he went to classes for it.  You know, how to get famous off of a catch phrase, yada yada yada.

Brett: There are classes for that?

Lori: Sure!  There are classes for pretty much anything now.

Brett: Are there classes in how to grow a tail?  I think that would be cool.

Lori: Maybe?  You probably have to plant something in a styrofoam cup.

Brett: Let's hope so.  I feel like having a tail would be good for my qi.

Lori: Zip on over to your closest community college and ask about their electives.

Brett: Will do.

Lori: Let them know you're there re: the less popular courses.

Brett: No, no, I'm pretty sure that course would be popular.

Lori: I wonder if you get letter scores or if you just take the courses pass/fail.

Brett: Either way, I think I'd do well as long as I didn't skip too many days of class.

Lori: Yeah, we don't want you to get an ef.