Something's watching you...

Yes, this is actually in the lobby of my apartment building.

Brett: Did you see the creepy vase they have in my lobby now?

Lori: OMG, yes.  I wonder what asshole made a quip about it to get them to put it there.

Brett: It makes me want to throw a tire at it, though I'm not sure what good that would do.

Strong family bonds

Jail by flickr user kawwsu29

Brett: <played the word pork>

Lori: You forgot to use pork in a sentence.  You're gonna end up in Words With Cousins jail.  Ooooooooh...snap.

Brett: I had asked what your favorite pork product was.  I must not have pressed send.  I would never purposefully taint this twist on the game we created.

Lori: No worries.  Any concerns would thaw prior to the next turn.

Brett: It's that kind of trust that is the reason our relationship gels.

Lori: It's the axis of any happy family game time.

I've got the blues

Blue Singer by flickr user maxmedioman

Brett: Do you think I could make it as a blues musician?

Lori: Maybe!  That would be wild.  Chad definitely could.
(Editor's note: Chad is another of our many cousins.  Thanks to the Yellow House Community Arts Center, you can hear him doing lead vocals with Foolish Mortals, a band he used to sing with, on I Am Coming Home.)

Brett: I would tell you I'm in the process of recording my first album, but that would be a fib.

Lori: Ooh, I'd give my left paw to hear that.

Brett: Yes, many people have tipped their hats to me after hearing my blues stylings.

Drunken nursery rhymes

Jack & Jill Sign by flickr user Judith White

Brett: I know I should know the answer to this, but I can't remember... Why did Jack and Jill go up a hill?

Lori: Because their house was being fume-igated?? (ba-doom-cha)

Brett: Hmm... I thought hill-climbing was just the latest fad.

Lori: I think that may be a sin in 28 states, actually.

Brett: I don't know where these states think of thier laws... Next you'll tell me I can't take my ox into a public restroom.

Lori: You may be able to legally, but I'm sure you'd create quite a scene if you did this.  And when did you get yourself an ox, anyway?

Brett: Um... I don't really have an ox.  I may have had a little too much rum before writing that.

Lori: Maybe you should get a hen for yourself instead.

Brett: I think I'll do that, then.  Just show me where to dot the t's and cross the i's on the hen adoption paperwork.

Lori: You're talking like a teen on too much rum.

Brett: I oft hear that, but I don't think it is true.

Lori: Git!!

Damn you, autocorrect!

Oh, autocorrect.  What would the iPhone be without you.  (Although I can't really blame autocorrect for thinking some of the words that are accepted by Words With Friends must by typos.)

Dor Beetle by flickr user Olli38

Brett: A dot is an insect, or an archaic synonym of 'mockery'.

Brett: Oops. Apparently autocorrect doesn't think dor is a word.

Lori: Hmm, perhaps you should consider that an omen.

What's Kanye's favorite fabric?

Black Pleather Texture by flickr user Tech109

Lori: Do you have a favorite fabric?  I think mine ight be rayon.

Brett: Yo, Imma let you finish, but I just have to say pleather is the greatest fabric of all time.  OF ALL TIME.

Lori: Ha.  I cannot believe that just happened.

Brett: Sorry.  Discussion of fabrics can really rile me up.

Lori: I would not peg you as a pleather guy, actually.  What a surprise.

Brett: I appreciate that it provides good insulation so nothing can zap me.

Lori: Word.

On worrying mothers

Mother's day gift by flickr user Nicoliosis!

Brett: Why is it that moms are always worriers?

Lori: I suppose each mom's worry is based upon how big an a-hole their kid is.

Brett: If that's the case, why does my mom worry so much?  Have I done some things I need to undo?

Lori: Nah, your mom just has a worry syndrome from having so many kids.  You should give her some aromatherapy rags as a gift.

Brett: Well, that beats any gift idea I've ever had.  Thanks!

Lori: I doubt she'd swap that gift in for store credit, eh?

En garde

Fencer by flickr user Bartek Furdal

Brett: I'm thinking about taking up fencing.  Do you think I'd be good with an epee?

Lori: I do!  Plus, you could really pull off the mask.

Brett: Pfft... Who needs a mask?  I don't plan on getting hit, and I don't feel the need to hide my face.  I think most fencers are just coy.

Lori: You really owe it to the crowd to wear a mask.  Showmanship, sir!!

Brett:  You're right.  I apologize for my disregard of fencing tradition.  I'll confine myself to a hut as punishment.

The one where we opine on music and alcoholic beverages

Dry Gin by flickr user MrStonehouse

Brett: Don't Worry, Be Happy: great song, or greatest song?

Lori: Just great.  Seems like we could really be done after the first chorus.

Brett: Then what's the greatest?  What song moves you the most?

Lori: That's easy.  Man in the Mirror.

Brett: I would have tried to peg a Rush song for you.

Lori: Aw, I am a bit of a walking ad for Rush... but I have loved that song since I was super little.  My dad had the record.

Brett: I wasn't saying it was a bad thing that you didn't name a Rush song.  I was merely wondering.

Lori: I never assumed you would mock the King of Pop. :)

Brett: So now I know your favorite song, but what if I took a poll of everyone in America?  What would win?

Lori: Good question.  It would be such a pain to tally those votes!

Brett: Greatest song is a tough question.  But I nominate Send In the Clowns as the best song that starts with the lyrics "Isn't it rich..."

Lori: Ooh, that song has definite grit.

Brett: On the other hand, if you need to get pumped up, nothing beats listening to Eye of the Tiger while drinking a cup of joe.

Lori: I bet the scout who signed that group is regularly drining joe in victory.

Brett: I do agree that the scout must often celebrate, but probably with something a little harder.  Like maybe some dry gin?

Lori: What is your favorite trait in an alcoholic drink?

Brett: I'm not too picky.  As long as it doesn't knock me out with one drink.

Lori: I suppose that's a good way to look at it.

Time for trivia

Our first bearded president  (image from Wikipedia)

Lori: Ever have something rot in your fridge because you forgot about it?

Brett: Eh, not really.  About once a week I open the refrigerator door and say "Hi!  Anybody starting to go bad?"  That way I don't forget about them.

Lori: Nice!  I think I heard once that lox can live for weeks in a fridge, but I don't know if that's true or not.

Brett: Boy, that would be something.  I wouldn't have guessed more than a day or two.

Lori: Yeah, those random facts really throw you for a loop sometimes.

Brett: They're fun, though.  I feel like there should be a quota of random facts disseminated each day.  Here's mine: every bearded US President has been a Republican.

Lori: Son of a fig... Is that true?  I love beards so much.  I can't say that I feel the same way regarding Republicans.

Brett: Have I ever lied to you?  (Other than maybe about Emeril being a quin.)  You should write a letter to Obama and tell him how much you'd fawn over him if he grew a beard.

Lori: Like he'd give an ef, I just don't think he'd care.  He's super clean cut.

Brett: It doesn't hurt to try.  Tell him it would give him a rugged look, and that he needs to be a gar, not a minnow, if he wants to get reelected.

Lori: I am un-likely to do that.

Brett: Fine.  But we both know who to blame if we don't see a bearded Democratic President in our lifetimes.

Magnum opus

It may take lots of twists and turns, but we managed to maintain a single conversation through an entire game. And it was a very competitive game, as well.

A picture's worth a thousand words.  Or, in this case, 579.

Brett: I think we're in the middle of another baby boom.  There seem to be a lot of cute little tikes running around these days.

Lori: I actually think it's spelled tyke.

Brett:  Apparently either is acceptable.  Weird, I know.  I've spent many morns wondering how some spellings and alternate definitions have made it into the dictionary.

Lori: English is a weird language.  That's what the crazy homeless guy near my work tells me... He also asks for a no foam latte... So...

Brett: That crazy homeless guy could be Jesus.  You should get him that latte.  Or at least take him to the zoo.

Lori: Point taken.  I'll dash though the Starbucks line before work tomorrow.

Brett: That would be a good way to start the day.

Lori: He may be the envy of every caffeine deprived dude on the block.

Brett: No doubt.  They'll probably get into a fight over it, and before you know it the latte will be gone because someone spilled it.  Maybe you shouldn't get him one.

Lori: Too late... I've already coped with this potential outcome though.  I can only wish for the best at this point.

Brett:  I hope a fight doesn't ensue.  You wouldn't want some guy to have an ache because you bought a latte.

Lori: I could almost faint due to anxiety over this...

Brett: Maybe you should make sure the cops are there to quash any violence.

Lori: I feel like if I continue to be involved at this point, I'll be putting a big dent in the good deed I was trying to offer.

Brett: True.  Oh, no... I just had a thought.  What if a busker with a sax gets involved?  That would make a pretty dangerous weapon.

Lori: No!! Just imagine... "Hi, can you take me to the E.R. please?  The man with the sax beat the bejesus out of me when my latte raised his ire too much."  Terrible.

Brett: Well, I'm glad you've planned what you would say in that situation.  Because I doubt you'd be able to hobble to the hospital on your own.

Lori: It's the sort of riddle I'd rather be prepared for.

Brett: Maybe if we pool our money we can get enough lattes so everyone will be happy.

Lori: I would love that.  I would never want to be remembered as a latte dream quasher!!

Brett: I, too, would prefer not to be known as someone who burst latte-dream bubbles.

Lori: Let me just jot down some numbers here for the latte fund...

Brett: I'm glad you're taking care of that.  The price of lattes is an enigma to me.

Lori: Ho boy... This is really starting to add up!! Ha!

Brett: Hmm... We could steal the lattes, but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life trying to elude the cops.

Lori: Darn!  What have we gotten ourselves into here??

Brett: Maybe we need a cheaper way to make everyone happy.  What if we got a lei for each person?  People in Hawai'i always seem happy.

Lori: Ooh, I like that idea.  But unless I can catch a wave to the islands, I'm picking up the leis at the dollar store.

Brett: Yeah, a trip to Hawai'i would put a bigger dent in our budgets than the lattes would.

Lori: That's your way of saying you were okay with the dollar store leis, right?

Brett: Correct.  I don't want to get rid of all my money purchasing a flight; then I couldn't afford the leis!

Lori: Understood.  Wouldn't want your finances off the grid.

Brett: Sounds like we have a plan.  Let's put it into action.