Scouring in the Key of G

1951 Ad, S.O.S. Magic Scouring Pads by flickr user Classic Film

Brett: Is there a brand of scouring pad you recommend?  Because I've got some things I need to scour.

Lori: I only know of SOS pads, like a little Brillo cowpie.  I don't scour often, I guess.

(Editor's note: yes, Lori did unknowingly use a second brand name when describing how she only knew one brand.)

Brett: Did you come up with that cowpie comparison yourself?  You should go in to marketing.  SOS would surely get a huge cut of the market if they used that.

Lori: Well, that's what they look like!  But I don't think SOS would go for it.  They'd probably want to advertise using soft lighting, and Kenny G on the sax.  Isn't that commercial gold?

Brett: I would buy anything he advertised.  Shower with Kenny G sponsored soap, eat at the Kenny G diner, wear Kenny G underwear... okay, maybe that last one is a little weird.

Lori: Your examples certainly show the range of sell-able products... How do we contact him?

Brett: Uh, I don't know... Ah!  Here's an idea: we hang out at a bar and hope he shows up.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit

Chili on the Grill by flickr user Mike

Brett: Do you like lima beans?

Lori: Not on their own, but I pile them in with other types when I make chili.

Brett: Mmm... You can't beat chili on a cold day.

Lori: When did you have some last?  There have certainly been plenty of cold days to work with lately.

Brett: That is a good question.  I think it was in January.  Or maybe early February.

Lori: Well, button up your coat and go buy yourself some beans!  It's about time you had some more chili.

Brett: But it's actually pretty nice out here.  I'll have to check the forecast and see if it's going to be chili weather again any time soon.

Lori: That wouldn't faze my roommate or me... We have made chili smack dab in the middle of summer if the mood strikes.

Brett: I respect your right to have chili whenever you want, but I remain steadfast in my belief that it's a cold weather meal.

Lori: Alright, but you might be missing out.  Still... I have to give you the same respect for your stance.  It's only fair.

Chez Lori

Peanut Butter & Honey Sandwich by flick user jamieanne

Brett: Have you ever considered openings a restaurant called Chez Lori?

Lori: Ha!  I haven't.  I'd have to serve only mac'n cheese, ramen noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, and reheated frozen meals.  I don't see that making me a fortune.

Brett: Well, let me axe you a question: how good are your peanut butter sandwiches?  Because I might go to that restaurant.

Lori: Not too bad.  It depends on the bread I use, but I don't think my peanut butter choice can be beat.  I like the creamy peanut butter with a touch of honey.  Yum.

Brett: Hmm... I'm not a huge fan of honey, but that does sound good.  Do you cut off the rind?  Wait... I guess on bread, people usually call it crust.  Do you cut off the crust?

Lori: Ah, the lean sandwich, skinnier than the rest... I would cut off crust upon request.

Brett: Then schedule me a reservation for opening night!  I'll hit up the ATM on the way so I can leave a big tip.

Lori: Oooh!  Hopefully all my customers leave big tips.  Then it won't feel so much like "workin' the grind," as they say.

Brett: If I can make one suggestion: you should have a big vat of soup.  Prepare it in bulk, have your waiters and waitresses recommend it, and watch the profits roll in.

Lori: Da!  That's me agreeing with you in Russian.

Brett: It is a great language for agreeing.

Punting babies

baby needs punting. by flickr user Emily Lynch

Lori: Have you ever heard the expression, "I'm going to punt that baby"?

Brett: I have not.  Did you make that up?  Because who would do that?

Lori: Why would I lie about that?!?  When I've heard it, it's generally followed by some sort of weird disclaimer.  Ex. "I'm going to punt that baby.  It's just too cute for this world."  Chicago is a strange place.

Brett: I see.  If you hadn't explained it, I would have been alarmed.  Somebody needs to write a book: Idioms from A to Zed.

Lori: That would be a great title!  I would buy that.

Who wants to get dressed up and play bingo while drinking coffee?

Bingo by flickr user Justin Nakagiri

Brett: Do you like to wear fancy clothes?  If so, what's the last event you got all dressed up for?

Lori: Oh, rats... I think the last thing I dressed up for was a Masonic Lodge event for my dad.  I wore a polka dot dress.  Marilyn Monroe style.

Brett: That was nice of you to go with him.  Did you have to sit there and be quiet through a bunch of speeches and stuff?

Lori: Haha, sort of.  There were a lot of very old women, and they would stand and all walk a certain path as part of the ceremony... that did drag on a bit.  They were very sweet, but wow, some were slow moving.  My dad and I got to sing, though, so that was fun.

Brett: Did you play bingo afterwords?  And is it ageist of me to ask that?

Lori: Haha, I don't think so.  We didn't, but I would love to do that.  It seems fun.  I have a bingo game on my phone, actually.  Have you ever been?

Brett: I haven't played bingo in years, but I used to play at our school carnival.  The biggest prize I ever won was a coffee maker.  Not the ideal prize for a kid who didn't drink coffee, but better than pocket lint.

Lori: But you drink coffee now, right?

Brett: I'm not a regular coffee drinker, but I do have some occasionally.  I just have to be careful not to spill it down the front of my shirt.

Um... is there some (sum?) sort of trend here?

Personless shoe waiting for a bus by flickr user Paranoid from suffolk

Brett: Do you like rum?

Lori: Um... I like it in my long islands.  Does that count?

Brett: Sure!  As long as you don't drink too many.  Those things are strong; you don't want to be hung over and have your head pounding like a drum the next day.

Lori: Oh, totally.  They sneak up on me really fast.  Don't want to end up looking like a bum on the bus who lost her shoes somewhere.

Get down, turn around, go to town

Boot Scootin' Boogie? by flickr user Michael Chunko

Lori: Can you boot scoot?

Brett: I can boot scoot with the best of them.  But it really works up a sweat, and I need to towel off when I'm done.

Lori: Bet that really sweeps the ladies off their feet.

Brett: Oh, it brings all the girls to ALL the yards.

Lori: Haha.  Jackie and Jill went to the yard to watch Brett boot scoot.  Not quite the same ring, eh?

Brett: It works, though.  Then I say "ahoy, lasses!" but for some reason they don't respond to that.  Maybe I should try "yo yo yo, what's up ladies?"

Lori: I love it.  Though I think we might make the worst hip hop remixers ever.

Hidden talents

Fractalius - Dove in flight by flickr user Bahman Farzad

Brett: Can you coo like a dove?

Lori: Heck yes, I can!  How did you know?

Brett: It just seemed like something you could probably do.  And if the shoe fits...

Reliant is not a synonym for reliable

Plymouth Reliant K by flickr user John

Brett: For years I thought the Barenaked Ladies were using non-standard word choice (poetic license and all) to say that a K-car was a reliable automobile.  Then I realized that the Plymouth Reliant was one of the so-called K-cars, so the lyric was referring to the model; a nice Reliant (proper noun, not adjective) automobile.

Lori: I do not know what song you are talking about.

Brett: Apparently you've never been at a karaoke night where Scott and I have sung together.  The song, of course, is "If I Had a Million Dollars."

In case of emergency, your exits are here, here, and here

emergency exit by flickr user Terry Freedman

Brett: Do you know where the emergency exits in your office are?

Lori: Memorized.  We have so many false alarm fire drills, tick tock like clockwork twice a month.  And it's been coooooold lately, haha.

The Big Game

Boone watches Puppy Bowl by flickr user Kris Millering

Brett: Did you watch the Super Bowl?  Or did you watch the dogs in the Puppy Bowl?

Lori: Ha... Puppy Bowl all the way.  Once the Chiefs were out, I lost interest this season.

Brett: That's too bad.  There might have been a Super Bowl ad that made you want to go buy something.

Lori: Oh!  I'm glad I didn't watch then.  I'm so broke right now.  Holding my breath for my tax refund to come in.

Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme...

Brett ready to ride the bobsled

Brett: The Winter Olympics are coming up... Have I ever told you how much I love Cool Runnings?  I can basically quote the whole movie.  One of my favorite lines is when Sanka finds out that bobsled is a winter sport.  "You mean winter as in igloos and Eskimos and penguins and ice?"

Lori: How long is the bobsled track, do you know?  Is it more or less than a mile?

Brett: I don't know exactly, but I'm going to guess less.  Did you know I was in a bobsled once?  It was summer, so it was on wheels instead of on ice.  And we didn't get to do the push start, we just had to sit inside while they pushed us.  But it got going pretty fast when we picked up speed, and was a lot of fun!

Lori: I'd say, "poor you"... But what a cool experience!!!  How did you manage that?

Brett: Well, it wasn't that I got any sort of special treatment, I fear.  I paid for the chance to ride the boblsed just like anyone else.

Lori: That's okay.  It's still the bees knees.

Nap time

Nap Time I - Sweet Dreams... by flick user epicture's (more off than on)

Brett: For some reason, I'm not very good at taking a nap.  Even if I'm tired, I can't usually fall asleep in the middle of the day.

Lori: Oh, man.  I could sleep like a block of wood right in the middle of the day... but if I nap I can never sleep well that evening.

Brett: Oh, Brett (who is speaking in the third person for the sake of using his word) didn't think of that implication.  Maybe he should be glad he can't nap.

Lori: I liked that third person part.  Well played.

Movie recommendations

Thriller 17 by flicker user Michael Studt

Brett: Do you like gory movies?

Lori: Oh, goodness no.  I take no joy in scary murdery flicks at all.  Yuck.

Brett: Agreed.  I wouldn't pay a single quid to see a movie like that.

Lori: I actually do like a few of the psychological thrillers though.  Frailty, for instance - super good.  Have you seen it?

Brett: I have not.  But I also like some thrillers, even if they get a little bloody.  Like Identity.  Have you seen it?  If not, you should treat yourself and check it out.

Lori: I haven't.  But I love seeing new things, so I'll have to try to find it.

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?

Apologies to our loyal readers who wondered where we were last week.  Brett was on vacation, and since we did not have enough conversations backlogged to make it through the week, the blog took an unplanned vacation as well.  But to welcome you back, we've got a nice, lengthy WWC instant classic.  Enjoy!

brain maze by flickr user Café psicologico

Brett: What's your favorite Michael Bay movie?

Lori: I had to look him up to pick a movie, and he has less than I expected.  I'm gonna go with Armageddon.  I like Bruce Willis.

Brett: Yeah, I don't think I'd swap that out for any of his other movies.  Although I prefer Independence Day to Armageddon, and for some reason they're always associated in my mind.

Lori: Independence Day?  I have to admit, I had not seen that coming from you.

Brett: I'm hard to predict.  Don't try to get inside my brain.  You might get lost in there; it's like a maze.

Lori: Is it at least organized from new info to old in there?

Brett: It's just organized enough to keep me sane.

Lori: I hope I didn't cause you any undue worries in asking about the organization...

Brett: Well, I was up until four AM thinking about it, but that's okay.  Who needs sleep?

Lori: Hello... Did you say you stayed up til four?!?  Geez.  I... I'm sorry!

Brett: I did say that.  And I would never lie to you, right?

Lori: I'm sure you wouldn't.

The Award

Brett couldn't find a photo of the moment he won this award, but this is the award he was thinking of.  Don't know what it is?  That's a story for another blog post.

Lori: Do you have any photos of a moment that you may have held a title or won an award for a costume or something like that?

Brett: Hmm... I have one in mind, but I need to check if I actually have the photo.  I wouldn't want to soil my reputation by saying I do if I don't.

Things Maria didn't teach

Dorm Food by flickr user tvindy

Lori: When you were in college did you live in a dorm?

Brett: For two years I did.  Let me tell you... Dorm cafeteria food?  Yum.

Lori: I kind of feel like you're messing with me.

Brett: I was.  To apologize, I'll write you a song that includes di, a tone in the ascending chromatic scale between do and re.

Don't miss the boat

Now that Lori has seen it, everyone else might as well share in the fun.

Brett: Have you ever seen the picture of me wearing a unicorn horn?

Lori: No!  Please find it and share.  I'd love to see that!

Brett: I would never hide such a masterpiece from you.

Lori: Having now seen it, I love it.  Glorious.

Brett: You know me: the horn was there, of course I toyed around with it.